Complaining Is Easy

One of my deep desires is that God would mold my heart into one of thanksgiving and full of gratitude.

Complaining is easier. Much easier.

Ugh! Why does it have to be this way? Can I ever catch a break? I’m deeply tired. Why autism God?

Another toileting accident to clean up…figures…clean-up on aisle five! Honey! Out of wipes again! Do you prefer to clean up the mess or take care of the bath?

Well, we can’t go for a walk around the neighborhood now because of this meltdown. Can’t we ever leave the house without a problem? Nope. Nothing seems to come easy.

Honey, we have to change the calendar, but remember, Jack will need to process through it for a few hours so gear up for a million questions. Why is changing plans such a hassle?

Ellie! Please stop screaming (I say in my hypocritical screaming loud tone)! I can’t think straight! Why can’t we ever get a little peace and quiet?

Katie or Me at 5 pm: Honey, how much money would you pay if the kids magically did everything independently this evening and put themselves to bed?

Katie or Me: Hmm… I’d throw down a $20 or maybe even a $50 spot no questions asked.

I ashamedly admit that it’s probably not a good situation when you discuss with your spouse how much money you’d hypothetically pay to be left alone.

On and on the grumbling can go. And so easily too, without a second thought!

God Must Intervene

Thinking about the difficulties with autism inevitably sends my head spinning and spiraling down a pit of despair where entitlement and complaint love to hang out. But by the grace of God, He (patiently) intervenes and renews my mind time and time again.

Molding a heart of complaint into a heart of thanksgiving is a dramatic work of the Holy Spirit. I cannot will myself to be more thankful for more than a day, a week, or maybe a month. Personal behavior modification will only go so far. God must do the sustaining and lasting work for the marathon of life.

What’s so fascinating and so praise-worthy is that the day-to-day trials and difficulties feel lighter and easier to manage when our hearts are full of thanksgiving. That doesn’t mean we stick our heads in the sand or deny the real difficulties that surround us. God never asks us to deny reality. But we can face reality in light of these promises:

Cast your cares on the Lord, for He cares for you (1 Peter 5:7).

Come to Me all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest (Matthew 11:28).

When we approach a new day with thanksgiving on our lips for the good things God has done, it changes the rhythm of life. Suddenly, we become more accommodating. We become more loving. More gentle. More patient. More kind. That’s because this is a heart issue and not simply a behavior issue.

Suddenly, those toilet accidents and those meltdowns go from “the straw that broke the camel’s back” to “eh, it’s no big deal”. A heart of thanksgiving leads to incredible changes in how we deal with the circumstances in front of us.

What I’m Thankful For

Autism is a difficult thing to contend with. It’s hard seeing Ellie struggle to communicate. It’s hard to see her become frustrated when we don’t understand her needs. It’s hard seeing her have difficulty making friends. It’s hard seeing Jack wrestle in his mind when the rhythm of his day is disrupted. It’s hard to try to explain something over and over to him again and him not seeing the connection.

But, there is so much to be thankful for.

I’m thankful that God breathed life back into Jack after Katie’s emergency C-section. He wasn’t breathing upon arrival and his Apgar was very poor. I’m thankful for the doctor who arrived quickly in the middle of the night and prayed for the safe delivery of my kids in the OR.

I’m thankful for the beautiful words and communication Ellie now has. A year or so ago, we weren’t sure if we’d ever hear the words “mom” or “dad”.

I’m thankful for Jack’s kind and gentle spirit. He has a deep desire to help and hates seeing others upset. The joy and happiness he displays wherever he goes are infectious.

I’m thankful that Ellie holds no judgment toward others. She demonstrates love and affection toward everyone she’s around selflessly and without expectations. It’s a beautiful thing to see.

I’m thankful for their younger sister, Lucy, who loves to attach herself to her older brother and sister. She’s going to have a big impact on their lives.

I’m thankful for my wife, Katie, who has been a steady presence through the chaotic times. She’s the definition of Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 to me: Two are better than one, for if either of them falls, one can help the other up. 

I’m thankful for the incredible teachers, therapists, and church volunteers who have poured themselves into the care and growth of my kids. A simple “thank you” will never be enough.

I’m thankful for the impact that Jack and Ellie have had in the lives of others around them. I’ll probably look back and realize that I learned more about God from them than they learned from me.

My Attempt at a Poem

Even as I write this today, I’ve struggled to maintain a heart of praise. Some days are just plain difficult! But God can still instill in us a heart of praise and thanksgiving even in times of difficulty or uncertainty. My hope and prayer are that we would all seek that vigorously day by day.

Day by day

Moment by moment

I feel the pull. I feel the chains.

God, please keep my grumbling heart at bay.

Yes, it’s hard. Yes, there’s pain.

But you promise to care for us every step of the way.

Turn my grumbling to joy and instill in me a heart of praise.

Oh God, I pray this day by day.