Back in February, we sat down with a journalist from the publication and shared a little of our story with her. She had reached out to us about doing a featured article for April’s edition of the magazine to help support Autism Awareness/Acceptance Month. Needless to say, we jumped at the opportunity!

We enjoyed getting to share about the process leading up to diagnosis, the joys and the challenges, and talk about God’s goodness through it all.

You can use the article’s reader tool by clicking the link below or read right here from the page.

Read The Article Here

The post We Got To Be In A Magazine! appeared first on Autism4Christ.

April 2nd was World Autism Awareness & Acceptance Day, and to celebrate, our family joined others in our local community for an Inaugural Autism Awareness Walk & Picnic.

It was a blast!

Our local community has a very large polo field which was the perfect setting for the event. Friends of ours from church, Bryn and Lindsey Blaise, spearheaded the event and recently established the Tri-County Autism Community as a non-profit organization for the area. This is REALLY exciting and a HUGE step forward for our area which has lacked organized autism awareness events until now.

I’m excited to see how God uses the event to connect families in the area who are navigating the joys and challenges that autism brings.

The event began with the choice of a 1-mile or 5K walk around the polo field. My kids decided to walk about a 0.5K so they could head back to the field to jump on the giant inflatable playgrounds (no shock there!). Where were these giant inflatable things when I was a kid? Little soccer nets, Cornhole, Croquet, and a giant sized beach ball were available for entertainment as well. Tons of pizza, snacks, and what I can only describe as the best mini cakes I’ve ever had, were provide for lunch. Connecting over great food is always great fun!

Over 100 people attended the inaugural event making it a HUGE success.

And it wasn’t just families with kids with autism who attended. Many people in the community from local churches, schools, and businesses also came out to the walk to support friends and relatives.

It was an exciting day, and I am encouraged about what God is doing in our community!

Here are some photos from the event! Photos with (**) taken by Jeff Roach Photography.

The post Autism Awareness Walk a HUGE Success appeared first on Autism4Christ.

In honor of April being Autism Awareness Month, I thought this would be an ideal time to share that I have started a YouTube Channel under the name “Autism4Christ”! Click Here For My Channel.

I’ll admit, this is a bit out of my comfort zone and there will be a lot of growing pains….so please forgive the mishaps and awkward moments while I stumble through it.

I love to write for this blog. That is my comfort zone. So why also launch a YouTube Channel?

Well, it’s no secret that video content has become preferable for many people. But to be more specific, YouTube really draws in young men in their 20s-40s, so my hope is that God will lead young fathers (and mothers) who are navigating the trials of autism to the channel. I don’t anticipate millions of “likes” or subscribers, but if God can use it to reach some people who need it, then its worth it. I know I have personally found great Christian mentors on YouTube that I would never have found otherwise.

I also find video creation to be a lot of fun albeit a lot of work! Maybe its just an itch I’d like to scratch, but it seems God put the bug there.

Here is the first video I put together for the channel mainly as an introduction. Please also click here to got to my channel and subscribe!

Go easy on me, Haha!

The post The Autism4Christ YouTube Channel Just Launched! appeared first on Autism4Christ.

Sometimes I can’t help but sense God’s own pleasure when I look at my kids with great delight. Sometimes I feel a deep sense of gratitude for them just the way they are, autism and all. Sometimes I can’t help but worship Him for their unique complexities.

I love the way Ellie clenches her fists so tightly and pulls them up to her cheeks to self-regulate. I love the way Jack rehearses the routines for the day ahead and wants to hear the play-by-play on my end (in the correct order) when I pick him up from school. I love the way Lucy ends her prayers with “the end” instead of “amen”.

I love being a father. I’m blessed beyond measure because of it. There are moments when I I get it right.

And then there are moments that go a little something like this:

“I’M SO…… MAAAAAAD!!” Ellie shouted while running from room to room slamming doors. I followed her into the bedroom and in my calmest voice said, “Sorry honey, iPad time is all done.” Not satisfied with my response, she continued to run from one side of the house to the other slamming bedroom doors all while covering her ears and scripting from an episode of Daniel Tiger as she went. 

Any parent of a child with autism will tell you that managing outbursts and meltdowns is exhausting. It requires you to be fully present, patient, and calm to deal with it successfully. Fighting back your own irritation is half the battle.

As I continued to try to (calmly and patiently) diffuse the situation by helping Ellie go from The Hulk to Bruce Banner, Jack and Lucy decided it was the perfect moment to approach me with their own requests. “Daddy, popsicle please” said Jack. “Dad, come play with me” adds Lucy.

“Um, not right now guys, daddy is trying to help Ellie calm down.”

But what Lucy heard was, “Of course, sweetie. I’d love to play with you at this moment”, and Jack heard, “Yes, my son, whatever you want, I’m at your service.”

The outburst and door slamming continued. I followed Ellie to the other side of the house and we started doing some deep breathing and sensory compression to calm down. The other two came after me again…AGAIN!

“Dadeeeee”, says Lucy, “come plaaaay with mee”. “I just need one more treat,” adds Jack.

Now I’m annoyed. I can feel the stress and the tension coursing through my body. “No! Not yet. You have to wait!,” I responded. “Can’t you see Ellie is really struggling right now”? 

My sweet and not so innocent son and daughter could not sense the irritation in my response. Sooo they decided to test the waters again. Are they nuts?

Lucy, now also annoyed, yells, “Dadeee I neeed you”! Jack was present too, so he was guilty by association.

At this point, I had resolved to unleash my wrath and take a page from Ellie’s book and Hulk out on all my kids. “Lucy, I don’t want to play with you right now!! Out Out! Jack, you’ve already had like three popsicles! You don’t need another one! Get out!! Ellie, STOP SCREAMING!”, I say in my hypocritically loud tone.

Now I’m sure this type of exchange hits home with any parent. Our kids tend to conspire to gang up on us at the worst times. Nevertheless, I had failed my kids.

So yeah, there are those moments. I get it right sometimes, but boy do I get it wrong sometimes too.

A Means To An End

What I have found to be so incredible is that God graciously meets me more in my failures as a father than in any other relationship. That makes perfect sense, though. After all, God is our Heavenly Father, and because He is a father, perhaps he instituted parenthood as the biggest signpost to point us back to His loving arms.

His love never fails like ours, so when we face plant hard, we can find mercy and grace beyond comprehension. Not only does He cover our parent-fails, He gladly makes us wiser through them.

How we understand God as Father is vital to our Christian walk. Not that my understanding is deep; it’s really quite shallow. But God has been kind enough to deepen my understanding of Him through my role as an earthly father. How does He do this? I believe He does this not only explicitly through His Word but also implicitly by the nature in which we treat our kids.

We know explicitly from Scripture that God loves us. He’s told us and He’s demonstrated that love ultimately in Christ (Romans 5:8). Amen. But God also demonstrates His love for us through the relationships He gives us here right now. Being a father, or mother, is not an end in itself, but a means to an end…that end being to glorify God.

I admit, I don’t always see God the Father the way I ought. I tend to see my relationship with my kids as an end to itself. It becomes all about me and I begin to think I can do a better job as a father than Him.

(pause here for your laughter).

But I think we can all admit that we’ve been tempted to believe this lie; that our relationships are self-contained and we know better than God. As parents, we so frequently miss the greatest signpost that points back to Him. We all tend to wonder things about God that couldn’t be further from the truth. Here’s what I am getting at:

We delight in our kids but wonder if God delights in us.

We forgive our kids but wonder if God could forgive us.

We discipline our kids but think God won’t discipline or correct us.

We direct and lead our kids but wonder if God has left us to ourselves.

We give our kids affection but wonder if God is cold and closed off toward us.

We teach and instruct our kids but wonder if God has spoken clearly in His Word to us.

We invite our kids to come near so we can embrace them but wonder if we can approach God in the same way.

We go to bat for our kids but we wonder if God is on the sidelines.

We give our kids 2nd and 3rd chances but wonder if God has washed His hands of us.

We meet the needs of our kids but wonder if we can trust God to take care of us.

We continue to give grace to our kids but wonder if God’s grace has dried up.

We stop at nothing to protect our kids but wonder if God will protect us.

Parents are hardwired to do these things. Nobody really has to tell us that we ought to act in these ways toward our kids. From the moment of their birth, our deepest affections have been set toward them.

So how is it that we can so easily doubt the love of our Heavenly Father when we would never doubt the love we have for our own kids?

Seeing the (Perfect) Father

Here is the challenge to myself and to you reading this: The next time you begin to doubt God’s love for you or the next time you are tempted to think He’s far off or has abandoned you, try this: Go hug your kids. Go wrestle with them. Go to the park with them. Go out for ice cream. Go do whatever brings you and them joy together. And as deep levels of affection, happiness, and pleasure well up inside of you during those moments, remember that those feelings are but a shadow of the love and affection your Heavenly Father has for you. Remember this truth from Scripture…We love because He first loved us (1 John 4:19). Remember that His love is the precondition for the parental love we have for our kids.

You cannot love better than Him. You cannot give grace better than Him. You cannot forgive better than Him. You cannot protect better than Him.

But I think that’s the point. We can’t do parenthood perfectly, or even well enough at times, so we must run to our Heavenly Father who is perfect. Both our failures and our successes as parents should drive us to Him. And we can do so happily and without shame.

The First Time I got it Right

One thing about Facebook that I do appreciate is that I am able to go back years and see things I’ve posted (for better or worse). Here is what I wrote a couple days after Jack and Ellie were born:

When I look at my son and daughter, I am utterly amazed and completely humbled by God’s insane love for us. God’s word says that we are made in His image, that He is our Father, and that we are His children known intimately before the foundation of the world. I am in awestruck wonder that this incredible love that I feel pales in comparison to the infinite love that God our Father has for us.

April 17, 2016

On that day, I got it right. It was the first time I saw my imperfect fatherly love in light of the Heavenly Father’s perfect love. And it was beautiful.

The post A Father’s (Imperfect) Love appeared first on Autism4Christ.

It’s that wonderful time of year again! The sights, the smells, the music, the movie “Elf”…it’s all back! What a joyous time of year. A time of gatherings, a time to relax (maybe), a time to celebrate, a time to look forward, and a time to remember. It truly is, as Andy Williams sang, “The most wonderful time of the year.”

If you’re a parent of a child with autism, there’s probably other things on your mind too because this season can be overwhelming. Breaks in routines. Hustle and bustle. Large gatherings. Toys everywhere. It can be sensory overload even for us as parents. It’s important to find little ways to adjust so you can enjoy this time of year with your child without becoming too overwhelmed. That looks different for every family.

One thing we recognized early on, for example, was the importance of spacing out presents rather than giving them all at once. It helps our kids enjoy what’s in front of them rather than focusing on many items at once. And I guarantee that our daily household routines will still remain much the same even on Christmas Day. Overdoing it or changing too many things never works in our favor (which we’ve learned the hard way with Ellie in the past).

Jack is really diving into the holiday cheer this year. Each morning he’s enjoyed building tiny Legos from his advent calendar. He’s Mr. Countdown to Christmas. It’s fun for us to share in his excitement!

Ellie has been her steady self. I think she recognizes there is something different and special about the Christmas season, but she carries on as if it’s no big deal. Although she doesn’t show the same enthusiasm as Jack, it’s refreshing that she doesn’t get worked up over it all.

Lucy is, well, 3-years old. We never know what we are going to get with that one. She enjoys following Jack around, and if he’s excited about something, we know she will be too.

Speaking of Jack, I recently received feedback from a lady who has been helping with our kids in the children’s ministry. She said to me, “Jack really loves Jesus!”

What an amazing gift that was.

That was also encouraging because this year I’m having more conversations with Jack about Christmas and why we celebrate it. I try to keep it simple and avoid theologically-packed words such as “incarnation”…but maybe next year. Since Jack’s apparent love language is gifts (as it probably is for most 5-year-olds), I talk to him about how Jesus is the greatest gift we can receive…better than Duplo Legos and Paw Patrol. Next year I can have a debate with him about the number of wise men that came to see Jesus. Jack has learned that Jesus came to rescue us and He saves us from our sin. We will stick with that and call it a big win!

Below is a recent Q&A I had with Jack in the car about Christmas. Enjoy!

A Tree to Remember

This year I’ve been pondering the tradition of putting up Christmas trees in our home. Why do we do it? Why do we rearrange the furniture to make room for these 7, 8, 9-foot structures? Is it simply just a feel-good tradition? They do indeed make us feel good inside. I recently caught myself staring at one of our trees and just enjoying the beauty of it (We’ve graduated from one tree to two trees to now three trees!). The classic song came to my mind while I gazed:

O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree, You Stand in Splendid Beauty!

Something about the ambience of a Christmas tree changes the feel of an entire home. Good feelings. Warm feelings. Nothing puts people in the mood for the Christmas season more than a Christmas tree, unless you enjoy watching Hallmark movies before Thanksgiving (ahem, my wife). Her favorite Hallmark movie is the one where the guy and girl actually end up together in the end.

Christmas Trees bring wonderful traditions! Some of you run out to tree farms to cut down your own tree. Some of you grab it out of the attic year after year. My family wasn’t the tree hunting-type, but it’s okay, I am not biased either way…even though I know some of you stick your nose up to people who prefer artificial trees (admit it!). But before you judge me, just know that my tree growing up not only played music, but it also spun slowly in a circle. I thought it was the coolest tree in the world. Real trees can’t do that!

Putting the Christmas Tree up as a kid was a big deal. The excitement of it was second only to waking up Christmas morning. I had to be part of setting it up by putting every single ornament on the tree that could fit. Literally, EVERY ornament until EVERY square inch of the tree was covered. Then, as gifts began to pile under the tree, I would lay on the floor next to the tree enjoying it’s spinning mechanism and dream of Christmas morning.

O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree, You Stand in Splendid Beauty!

I imagine the traditions surrounding your family’s Christmas tree are also personal. As I just mentioned, some love artificial trees while some love real trees. Some fancy flocked trees while some prefer unflocked (I’m surprised that’s a real word). Some prefer white lights on their tree while others prefer multi-colored lights. Some trees even give you up to 8 (yes, 8!) lighting options like one of ours. Some people like to put popcorn on their tree while others do the tinsel thing. Some adorn their tree with beautifully color-coordinated ornaments while some place paint-splattered ornaments their kids made in Kindergarten. Some fasten a star at the top of their tree while others may place an angel or a bow. I have friends who have a tradition of setting a clapping monkey on top of their tree and I have the evidence in the picture below!

Yes, Christmas trees are indeed personal…but that’s what makes them so special to us.

O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree, You Stand in Splendid Beauty!

A Tale of Two Trees

Let me challenge you this year to consider two other trees that ought to be immensely personal to us. Two trees to remember when you consider the splendid beauty of your own tree(s).

A tree of knowledge that led to death

A tree of death that led to life.

It began with a tree in the Garden of Eden. There was no death, no pain, and no suffering there – just beautiful communion between God and Adam and Eve. In the garden, there was the tree of knowledge of good and evil. Most of us know the story well by now. God warned Adam and Eve, “Ye shall surely die” if you eat of its fruit (Genesis 2:17). Yet, being tempted by the serpent, they disobeyed God and ate, resulting in the curse of death over mankind. 

I’ve struggled with the idea of God placing this tree in the garden with its boundaries. Why go through with it? But as I’ve pondered it more, I began to think about its representation of God’s law and the impossibility of man keeping it. God’s law is perfect and good. Man-made law doesn’t even come close. Like this tree, God’s law brings condemnation to the hearts of man in order to reveal to us our need for a Savior.

That’s it’s ultimate purpose – to point us to salvation.

The first Adam had failed, but God had a plan! The tree of knowledge of good and evil was the first signpost leading to another tree…a tree of death that would give us life. The cross.

When I consider the cross, I immediately think about the mercy of God, the grace of God, and the love of God demonstrated in Christ. As we should every day! But you can’t clearly see the mercy, grace, and love of the cross unless they are placed on the backdrop of God’s justice and holiness.

At the cross, law and grace kissed. Justice and mercy embraced. All of God’s attributes were on full display.

Christ came to earth at His appointed time and we celebrate and rejoice! We rejoice at Jesus’ birth because we were given a way to peace with God leading to unending joy.

But when you see your Christmas tree in splendid glory, remember that first tree in the garden; how it led to death but paved a road to redemption. A road leading to the cross. Jesus Christ was despised, rejected, afflicted, oppressed, stricken, and smitten by God so that we could be loved, accepted, and uplifted (Isaiah 53:1-7).

Paul Tripp puts it this way:

Jesus was willing to be despised. He was willing to face rejection. He was willing to subject himself to hatred and violence. He was even willing to have the Father turn His back on him. Why was he willing to do all this> He did it willingly so that, as children, you and I would be able to live in the hope and peace of knowing that no matter what we face in the human community, we are perfectly and eternally loved by him. He endured rejection so that we would know God’s accepting love forever and ever and ever. How amazing is this grace!

Paul Tripp, New Morning Mercies

When you celebrate around your Christmas tree this season, remember that you have that privilege because of another tree. A tree not adorned with ornaments, lights, or popcorn – but one adorned with the life-giving blood of Christ.

Oh Rugged Cross, Oh Rugged Cross, You Stand in Splendid Beauty!

I pray this Christmas season that you will be blessed as you enjoy friends and family, light candles and sing songs, maybe eat cinnamon rolls (Jack’s favorite), give gifts to each other, watch “The Christmas Story”, and celebrate the birth of Christ.

It’s the most wonderful time of the year.

The post A Tree To Remember appeared first on Autism4Christ.

When we began realizing that an autism diagnosis was our reality, the 5 stages of grief also became a reality. Denial – This isn’t really happening is it? Everything will be fine, right? Anger – This isn’t fair! I didn’t sign up for this! Bargaining – What if we had done that differently? If only I had done this. Depression – Feeling hopeless and discouraged. Acceptance – This is our reality and we will seek to glorify God in it. None of these stages are linear. I have periods when I experience a peace that passes understanding. I have others when I feel I’m in a pit of despair.

Autism is a journey.

But it’s a journey more akin to a long road trip rather than a direct flight – where you stop to appreciate the beauty of a monument or landscape but you also run into breakdowns, road rage, and constant refuelings (along with car sickness and child meltdowns). Can you tell I enjoy car rides?

On this journey, I’ve walked and talked with God on the highest hills and in some of the deepest valleys. One thing holds true; His love never fails. He’s the beautiful monument and breathtaking landscape that makes the journey worth it.

I…Love…You

“Ellie. Ellie. I…Love…You.”

…

“Let’s try it again. I…Love…You.”

…

“I…Love…You. Goodnight sweetie.”

Over the course of Ellie’s first 4+ years, she was nonverbal. Like a broken record, we practiced non-stop verbal repetition at all times. We tried prompting her to speak by repeating words like “up”, “down”, “yes”, “no”, “all done”, “more”, etc., while always pointing to our mouths with intense tone inflection. We also integrated basic sign language and used a video speech program that focused on the formation of the mouth when making sounds. We were always hopeful that she would one day speak, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t mentally preparing for the possibility of my daughter never speaking. What a mental and spiritual battle that was.

Speech is always taken for granted. It’s assumed and expected. When it doesn’t happen, it’s crushing. Every parent desires to understand their child’s wants and needs. Not being able to discern what that is and only getting cries of frustration is very disheartening. It’s a helpless feeling.

Even though we couldn’t tell whether or not our words were sinking in, we desperately wanted Ellie to hear over and over that she was loved. I would repeat “I love you” over and over before kissing her goodnight. I would kneel beside her and pray desperately asking God if He’d be willing to bring forth speech in her. The hardest part was praying “Your will be done.”

Relinquishing Control

Praying through “Your will be done” is so difficult primarily because it’s a relinquishing of control and placing it in God’s hands. It’s the admission of, “Okay God, here I am. I’m ready to submit to You no matter what you have in store for me.” We are all control freaks at heart (admit it) and need His rescue. Sure, God’s will can be done in certain areas of our life with little complaint, but when it comes to our kids, that may be the toughest control to relinquish. We somehow think they are off-limits, even to God, and we know better than Him. But God says, “No, they are mine too.”

We should try to love our kids with open hands. Otherwise, God will have to pry them open. His plans and His purposes are always greater than our own, although it may be confusing at times. We aren’t called to understand. Lean not on that (Proverbs 3:5). But we are called to trust in faith that He operates for our good and for His glory.

Sometimes, God answers our prayers and gives us the desires of our hearts. Sometimes, He doesn’t for reasons we don’t always understand. But, there is a peace God brings to our hearts when we submit our wants and desires to His will.

There are things in this life we desire for Ellie that will probably never come to fruition. Contending with that is a challenge and will continue to be, but God has been so good to us and has answered many of our prayers. The greatest answered prayer has been with her progress with communication.

Praise for Progress!

About a year ago, something really incredible started to happen. Ellie was starting to make connections with our communication toward her. The repetition of “I love you” had become a prompt for a kiss in her mind, so she began leaning her head forward toward my face for a kiss after we said, “I love you”. She was making a connection between the two. That was a pretty special moment and we knew she was on the right track.

Soon after, she began mimicking and forming the word “you” with her mouth as we said it to her. The words were clearly in her mind and she was working on the facial structure to push the words out.

Then the verbal attempts began! It was very jumbled at first, but she was trying hard. “I love you” started coming out as “Ah. vvv. Ooo.” She would hold her hand up to her mouth as she spoke to feel the breath coming out of her mouth. She also started leaning forward extra emphatically for a goodnight kiss.

I’m excited to share that Ellie can now voice the words “I love you” clearly! I can’t ever take that for granted. I must not. God answered our prayers in that way, and all the glory goes to Him. It’s a demonstration of His immeasurable kindness toward us. We aren’t owed a thing. There’s still so much work to be done and progress to be made, but this will always be a pivotal part of our journey. Like a stop at the Grand Canyon or Niagara Falls on the road trip. The type of stop that reminds you that the journey is worth it.

Because He First Loved Us

I mentioned earlier that God’s love never fails. Sometimes that love is demonstrated in ways we don’t expect. Through the journey with our kids and autism, God has revealed the fickleness of my own heart and my propensity to doubt His love for me. He’s revealing dark corners in my heart that need to be brought to light. He’s wrecking my self-sufficiency and pushing me more toward total dependence on Him. That’s the sort of love I need.

Some days are so hard, but I never doubt the immense love I have for Ellie, Jack, or Lucy even on their (and my) worst days. So how is it that we can so easily doubt God’s love for us when we would never doubt our own love for our kids? Are we better demonstrators of love than God? The absurdity of the thought. We only love because He first loved us and He loves us more deeply than we can imagine.

In love, God uses the trials of parenthood to draw you to Himself. It’s one of His sharpest tools of sanctification. It works to amputate our arrogance, sever our selfishness, and pierce our pride. All the while we are being carved and molded to be more like Him.

So whenever you are in doubt of God’s love for you, remember the love that you have for your kids and ask yourself if that love is greater than His. It helps to reorient ourselves and turn us away from doubt.

If nothing else, remember the cross. Remember that He did not spare his own son. Remember that condescension. Remember that great exchange for those who believe; that not only were your sins paid for but that Christ’s righteousness has been lavished upon you. That’s His way of saying,

I…Love…You.

And there is nothing in this life that’s greater than that love (John 15:13).

A HUGE Thank You!

With Thanksgiving quickly approaching, I wanted to say how thankful we are for the incredible people God has placed in Ellie’s life who have prayed for her and who have worked closely with her. We’ve worked so hard at helping her communicate, but so much credit goes to her incredible teachers and therapists who God placed in her life. When she began more intensive ABA therapy at age 4, her first therapist was confident she’d be verbalizing her wants and needs in the near future. “Oh yeah,” she’d say, “She’s going to get there, you just wait and see!” I was hopeful, but not as confident as she. That was really encouraging for us to hear.

Please continue to pray for us as we navigate through recurring challenges and new challenges. Pray for others who may be discouraged on their journey navigating the challenges with autism or parenting in general. Pray that God would demonstrate His kindness and restore peace to the souls that need it most. Only He can fill us and satisfy our deepest longings.

Sweet Ellie (Video)

The post The Greatest I Love You appeared first on Autism4Christ.

I love amusement parks! I love the sounds, the smells, and the thrills. I especially love roller coasters. A perfect day for me would be having a park all to myself so I wouldn’t have to wait in line (and practice that patience) at all!

Now as an autism dad with three young kids, I still love amusement parks but the experience has drastically changed!

They have in recent years become, well, less amusing.

Let me illustrate with the following:

Me as a Teenager

Cotton Candy. Caramel Apples. Sugar high. Sugar rush.

No bags. No kids. 0% responsibility.

One-hour wait time. That ain’t so bad.  Let’s get in line!

The spinny thing that goes around n’ around. Oh yeah!

The water ride. What a smart idea!

Open to close. Not a problem. Let’s keep riding!

Me as a 30-something with young kids

Large Coffee. Diet Coke. Caffeine high. Caffeine rush.

Three bags. Three kids. 100% responsibility.

One-hour wait time. Haha yeah right…Let’s keep moving.

The spinny thing that goes around n’ around. Where’s my Zofran?

The water ride. Whose crazy idea is that?

Open to close. Not a chance. Let’s get going!

Yes, amusement parks still have their joyful moments, but I find that joy in different things now that I’m older and have young kids.

At an amusement park, you might be getting older if…You love shaded areas. You love the special quiet family restroom in the kids’ area. You love 99 cent refills in the souvenir cup. You love premium parking by the entrance. You love the quiet corners of the park. You love departing as much as arriving.

Can you relate?

The Challenges

Nothing kicks the day off right like the arrival process to any amusement park. Let’s be real, there is nothing enjoyable about it. I now understand why those on-site hotels are so appealing.

By the time I’ve handed over my ticket and (finally) granted entrance into the park, I’m already tired.

8 lanes of traffic to the ticket counter and then bottlenecked after. The tight parking is perfectly convenient for unloading. Quick diaper changes in the car. Get the kids settled in the stroller and force one to do some walking. Begin your trek to the front gate which sometimes includes a ride on a tram or ferry. Wait in the security line. Wait at the ticket counter. Wait again to present your ticket.

Finally, we made it! But…

…I’m tired and I’m not amused.

Any young parent navigating through the challenges with autism will quickly realize it’s not a conducive environment for those that struggle with sensory processing issues. It’s often loud, crowded, and hot. We do whatever we possibly can to mitigate those factors to maximize the experience for our kids (and us).

But, Katie and I always say to each other that if we have to bow out earlier than expected, that it’s no problem. We venture out with little expectations and hope that our kids will try something new and enjoy the experience. But if there is a meltdown, bathroom issue, or it’s just too crowded or hot, we aren’t disappointed to head out.

Live to fight another day

Autism-Related Tips & Things to Remember

We’ve had meltdowns. We’ve had messes. We’ve had bathroom explosions. We’ve forgotten essential items (I ashamedly admit I once left the iPads at security). We’ve dealt with snarky comments about Ellie. We’ve had to cut our time short. Through trial and error and ups and downs, here are some things we’ve learned that might be helpful:

-Whatever snacks you think you need, pack triple that and you might make it. Otherwise, be prepared to spend a premium in the park out of desperation.

-Bring an extra pair of clothes into the park for each kid. There will be a spill, bathroom explosion, or a quick (unwanted) detour into the splash pad. Don’t leave the clothes in the car… just sacrifice the space in your bag or stroller and bring them.

-Remember to bring wipes and hand sanitizer. Two big ones for us.

-Relaxation at an amusement park is tough to achieve, but the next tip helps with that.

-If you can afford it, pay for a trusted adult to come with you for an extra pair of eyes and hands. This will help temper your anxiety levels. Having grandma with us on our last trip made a big difference.

-Take your kids into the bakery/candy store at your own risk. At the very least, avoid anything that instantly melts, like chocolate.

-Take your kids into the souvenir shop at your own risk too.

-Any wait time beyond 10 minutes = not worth it (for us). Determine your line limits.

-The family rest station (usually in the kids’ area) is your home base. Know where it is before you get to the park. It’s a quiet haven for worn-down parents, and it’s a quiet spot for a child with autism to regulate.

-When you’ve found a spot in the park that your child with autism is comfortable with, spend most of your time there. Whatever brings them the most joy will bring you the most joy.

-Some parks claim to be “autism-friendly” and have their staff trained to help if needed. Usually, it’s advertised on their website if that’s the case.

-Avoid weekends or holidays if at all possible. Aim for Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday even if you have to coordinate a day off work. It’s way less crowded and worth it.

-Gameplan the day, but expect that gameplan to change and be okay with that.

-Have an exit strategy and prepare to leave earlier than expected. Hope for the best and prepare for the worst. Don’t get down on yourself if you have to leave early. It’s okay.

-Savor the moments when your kids are calm and enjoying the experience.

-Likewise, savor the moments when you are calm and enjoying the experience.

It’s Getting Better!

It’s always a big risk to take our kids to an amusement park, but the good news is it’s getting better as we’ve learned and put those tips above into practice. Here were some exciting things that happened on our recent trip to SeaWorld worth celebrating:

We were at the park for a full 5 hours! That’s a record for us. We pushed through a potential breaking point and pushed the limits a bit. I’ll admit, I was ready to call it a day sooner, but Katie pressed on. Because she was determined to stay, we were rewarded with a very quiet and spacious area of an aquarium that the kids enjoyed and could be themselves.

Jack rode 4 different rides in the kids’ section and had a blast on them! He’s becoming more courageous. One day, he might be a coaster buddy.

Ellie showed a lot of interest in the fish at the aquarium. She took time to watch and observe. I loved seeing her reach up toward the turtles and knock on the glass by the dolphins. She’s fascinated by water in general.

Other notable victories: We avoided a meltdown. We didn’t run out of snacks. The change of clothes we remembered came in handy (Thanks to Lucy). And the kids were great in the car too as a bonus!

Praise God for all of that.

And a special shout out to the bubble wand toy at SeaWorld which is turning out to be a rare gem of a toy (Thanks Grandma!). It’s an automatic bubble machine that doesn’t spill when inevitably turned upside down. It even lights up at night. And it acts as a perfect sensory toy for Ellie. A win-win-win.

The Autism Challenge Venturing Out

As an autism parent, I’m beginning to better understand the challenges of venturing out to large public spaces like an amusement park. I wish it could be a stress-free time, but it’s not. I wish there weren’t challenges, but there are plenty.

And that’s okay!

Katie sometimes has to really push me to take our family on these adventures. I tend to see only the challenges and forget about the opportunities. However, I’m usually grateful afterward because I can look back and see small victories and growth in my kids, even when it doesn’t go quite as planned.

To other parents in this boat – If you see the joy in your child’s experience, then keep trying! Find out what works and what doesn’t work for them. Trial and error. Amusement parks may be completely out of the question for you, and that’s okay too. But if you’re thinking about venturing out to one, my advice is to control what you can (see tips above), find joy in the little things, and praise God for the opportunity to be out with your family.

Pictures from our SeaWorld Adventure

The post Autism & Amusement Parks (For Dummies) appeared first on Autism4Christ.

I'm here again
A thousand miles away from you
A broken mess, just scattered pieces of who I am
I tried so hard
Thought I could do this on my own
I've lost so much along the way

Then I see your face
I know I'm finally yours
I find everything I thought I lost before
You call my name
I come to you in pieces
So you can make me whole

I've come undone
But you make sense of who I am
Like puzzle pieces in your eye

Then I see your face
I know I'm finally yours
I find everything I thought I lost before
You call my name
I come to you in pieces
So you can make me whole!

I tried so hard! So hard!
I tried so hard!

Then I see your face
I know I'm finally yours
I find everything I thought I lost before
You call my name
I come to you in pieces
So you can make me whole
So you can make me whole

This is a song I’ve come to love and is my inspiration for this post. It’s called “Pieces” by a Christian band called Red. The lyrics strike a deep chord in me (no pun intended) every time I listen to it. Couple that with the fact that the puzzle piece is the universal and most well-known symbol for autism, and you have a song that is deeply meaningful in both an objective and spiritual sense. I organized my thoughts with headings tied to the lyrics. I’ve also embedded the song at the end of this post for you.

I won’t pretend that I know precisely what was going through the minds of the artists as they wrote this song. People like to add their subjective interpretation to it based on what they have experienced in life. I’ve read posts, for example, about people liking this song because of a romantic relationship they’ve lost or found. Or, it reminds them of marriage or overcoming an addiction. 

To me, it’s one of the most profound messages of hope I’ve ever heard in a song. It’s the present struggle of the pilgrim’s progress. It’s the anticipation of a bright and glorious future. It’s a message about the lost being found.

I Come To You In Pieces, So You Can Make Me Whole

Jack loves puzzles. He’s really good at them! He’s keenly aware of the next piece he needs and can identify it in the pile often quicker than I can. It’s fun to watch him do his thing.

Do you ever have the experience of getting toward the end of a puzzle and wonder if there are enough pieces to complete it? There’s nothing more frustrating than one missing piece (or several at my house). It essentially destroys the entire puzzle-building experience. We hope for its completion. But sure enough, someone (not me) misplaces a piece, chews on it, throws it away, or brushes it under the rug. It doesn’t matter if it’s a middle piece or an edge piece…one missing piece makes the puzzle essentially worthless. By my standards, every puzzle we own is worthless and I should probably start replacing them.

Interestingly, one of my first marriage tests was working on an extremely complex puzzle with Katie. It was a 1000-piece puzzle of Mickey Mouse. But it wasn’t just a standard image, but rather, every piece of the puzzle displayed a scene from a Disney movie (mainly the really good ones from the 90s and earlier), and when pieced together, created one large image of Mickey Mouse (pictured above). It was a tedious task that took many hours, but we looked forward to its completion! 

I recall feeling very nervous when we got to the last few pieces. I was hoping that none of the pieces were lost. Getting to the end and seeing a piece missing probably would have infuriated me…which in turn, would have led to a different marriage test. 

“Okay, two more blank spaces left and….Yeeeeeesss two more pieces left to fill the gaps! Got em!”

PHEEEWW! 

It was done and all pieces were accounted for. Feeling proud of the completion of our marriage-building endeavor, we went out and bought a frame for it and displayed it on our wall for several years. 

That experience is a great reminder for me about the immense purpose our lives have. The individual scenes, pictures, and experiences of our lives, when pieced together, create a larger and more perfect picture. The whole is greater than the sum of its pieces.

But one missing piece spoils the larger picture. It’s unsatisfying. Every piece must fit and every piece must be accounted for, or else, what’s the point? Maybe that’s why we, along with all of creation, groan in anticipation of total redemption? (Romans 8:22-23). We aren’t perfectly satisfied until we are made whole. But that doesn’t mean we can’t find peace and rest in the present while God works on the bigger picture. 

Isaiah 26:3 is something I need to be praying and meditating on: You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.

Rather than keeping my mind fixated on trusting God, I become frustrated and often feel like one of those incomplete puzzles. Those missing pieces. Trying to make sense of life and its circumstances on my own. I easily forget who is doing the work.

How does autism fit? How do our struggles fit? We have a propensity to continue searching for that one thing that will make sense of it all rather than trusting in the One who already knows. We might even become discontent, unhappy, or restless.

Sometimes we go to great lengths to find what we believe is that missing piece that will make us whole, yet, it doesn’t quite fit. 

“Ah, yes, I have finally figured it out…this is what I needed!” 

But, it’s an edge piece trying to fit into a middle piece, or, it belongs to another puzzle altogether. It doesn’t quite satisfy.

I inevitably conclude that I know less than I did before and have, again, tried to drink from a dry well. As the lyrics say, “I tried so hard. Thought I could do this on my own.”

The attempt to put everything in our lives together by our own strength is frivolous and leaves us unsatisfied. Yet we set out on that journey over and over again. I think there is a word out there for doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

But the greatest message of hope is that God fully knows and has a perfect plan and purpose for all the pieces of our life, even the ones that make no sense to us right now. He’s the only one that can accomplish such a feat. He calls. We come to Him in pieces. He makes us whole. The search can finally end. 

Why do you spend money for what is not bread, And your wages for what does not satisfy? Listen carefully to Me, and eat what is good, And let your soul delight itself in abundance (Isaiah 55:2)

Then I’ll See Your Face, I Know I’m Finally Yours

We will never see the puzzle complete and know its fullness on this side of eternity. But there will be a day when we see God and everything will fall into place. We will say, “Ah, yes! I now see how the pieces of my life fit perfectly.” It will finally make sense. “You make sense of who I am, like puzzle pieces in your eye.” We will finally know, as we are now known. 

Growing up, I always loved hearing about what God’s Word had to say about Heaven. Such a wonderful hope. Streets like gold. Pearly gates. Everything perfect and beautiful as it was intended. Seeing loved ones who have passed on before us. No sin. No suffering. Exploring galaxies like Star Wars. Being able to (hopefully) fly or walk through walls. No depressing news.

It’s all worth hoping for and getting excited over. But, I eventually had to assess my heart honestly and ask… “Am I more excited about the place I am going or more excited to see the person who carried me there”? It’s worth pondering. 

Heaven without Christ wouldn’t really be heaven at all. 

Charles Spurgeon puts it this way in his commentary on 1 Corinthians 13:12.

There have been many suggestions of what we shall do in heaven, and what we shall enjoy, but they all seem to me to be wide of the mark compared with this one, that we shall be with Jesus, be like him, and shall behold his glory. Oh, to see the feet that were nailed, and to touch the hand that was pierced, and to look upon the head that wore the thorns, and to bow before him who is ineffable love, unspeakable condescension, infinite tenderness! Oh, to bow before him, and to kiss that blessed face! Jesus, what better do we want than to see thee by shine own light to see thee, and speak with thee, as when a man speaketh with his friend?

It is pleasant to talk about this, but what will it be there when the pearl gates open? The streets of gold will have small attraction to us, and the harps of angels will but slightly enchant us, compared with the King in the midst of the throne. He it is who shall rivet our gaze, absorb our thoughts, enchain our affection, and move all our sacred passions to their highest pitch of celestial ardor. We shall see Jesus.

Spurgeon, Charle Haddon. “Commentary on 1 Corinthians 13:12”. “Spurgeon’s Verse Expositions of the Bible”. https://www.studylight.org/commentaries/spe/1-corinthians-13.html. 2011.

I Find Everything I Though I’d Lost Before

As an autism parent, I can’t think of a more profound and glorious statement than this. 

Suffering loss is inevitable but difficult to reconcile. I’ve suffered loss, or at least, perceived loss. A loss of experiences hoped for. A loss of flexibility. A loss of sanity (at times). A loss of social engagement, etc.

I don’t understand the why of it all, but I’ve been graced to catch glimpses of God’s goodness through it. 

He makes sense of who we are like puzzle pieces in His eye. On that hopeful day, when we see His face, we will know more fully as He knows us fully now. We will finally see as He sees. 

I believe wholeheartedly that when we see the face of God, we will find everything we thought we’d lost in this life. Everything that felt broken and missing will be found because He is Everything. No more questions. No more missing or lost pieces. We will be whole. And We will be perfectly satisfied.

My hope and prayer for all of you who have lost so much along the way, who feel like a broken mess, and who feel like a thousand miles away from Him, would lean into a perfect Savior to find peace and joy. Lay the mess at His feet and let Him do the work. Cast your burden on the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never permit the righteous to be moved (Psalm 55:22).

To those of you impacted by autism or related disability, I believe there is a veiled beauty and a veiled glory awaiting you. Our young children or adult children that we are raising or have raised are an essential piece to the all-satisfying and holistic work of God in our lives. When we see Him face to face, we will see that and know it to the fullest extent. 

When Christ, who is our life, is revealed, then you also will be revealed with Him in glory (Colossians 3:4).

I can’t imagine anything better.

The post Like Puzzle Pieces In Your Eye appeared first on Autism4Christ.

Joy Heightened

Sensory processing is challenging for many on the autism spectrum, like Jack and Ellie. Sights and smells can be overstimulating, average sounds can be too loud, tastes and textures can be a war, and touch can be overwhelming. 

This is why some on the autism spectrum have a limited diet, wear headphones, need quiet places to decompress, shy away from physical touch, or lack eye contact. 

These are things my kids will one day have to enlighten me about from their own experience. I can only speak from my own observations as a parent, but for them, it’s daily living.

While it’s easy to label these characteristics as disadvantages, I’ve come to see that my kids have the ability to experience the physical world to a higher degree than I can. At times, their joy seems to be heightened too.

Jack, for example, will emphatically point out that he hears an airplane even when it’s so high in the sky you can barely see it. He can also pick out a fire truck, school bus, or police car on the road hundreds of yards before it would cross my mind.

Jack: Look! Dad, a school bus!

Me: Where? Where bud?

Jack: Right there!

Me: Uhhh, I don’t see…..(I begin to say while squinting and staring toward the horizon until I see the little blob of yellow far off in the distance). Woah, you’re right bud! I see that school bus now (on the other side of the world). 

This happens a lot.

Ellie gets super pumped up over running water and wind hitting her face. Stick a running hose over her head and you’ll witness pure joy (See Ellie below at a splash pad when she was 3). I’ve always loved this video for some reason.

She’s in her own world, yes, but oh so happy.

But one of my favorite experiences is seeing Ellie’s reaction to the wind hitting her face in the car (see video above). It’s evidently a powerful sensory experience for her. It’s hilarious and it’s one of the most beautiful things I’ve witnessed because she doesn’t contain her excitement! I had to create a little video montage to share with you.

I think God has blessed her with the ability to enjoy these types of experiences in a way I never could. 

Perhaps on the other side of eternity, I will too.

The post Pure Sensory Joy appeared first on Autism4Christ.

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Complaining Is Easy

One of my deep desires is that God would mold my heart into one of thanksgiving and full of gratitude.

Complaining is easier. Much easier.

Ugh! Why does it have to be this way? Can I ever catch a break? I’m deeply tired. Why autism God?

Another toileting accident to clean up…figures…clean-up on aisle five! Honey! Out of wipes again! Do you prefer to clean up the mess or take care of the bath?

Well, we can’t go for a walk around the neighborhood now because of this meltdown. Can’t we ever leave the house without a problem? Nope. Nothing seems to come easy.

Honey, we have to change the calendar, but remember, Jack will need to process through it for a few hours so gear up for a million questions. Why is changing plans such a hassle?

Ellie! Please stop screaming (I say in my hypocritical screaming loud tone)! I can’t think straight! Why can’t we ever get a little peace and quiet?

Katie or Me at 5 pm: Honey, how much money would you pay if the kids magically did everything independently this evening and put themselves to bed?

Katie or Me: Hmm… I’d throw down a $20 or maybe even a $50 spot no questions asked.

I ashamedly admit that it’s probably not a good situation when you discuss with your spouse how much money you’d hypothetically pay to be left alone.

On and on the grumbling can go. And so easily too, without a second thought!

God Must Intervene

Thinking about the difficulties with autism inevitably sends my head spinning and spiraling down a pit of despair where entitlement and complaint love to hang out. But by the grace of God, He (patiently) intervenes and renews my mind time and time again.

Molding a heart of complaint into a heart of thanksgiving is a dramatic work of the Holy Spirit. I cannot will myself to be more thankful for more than a day, a week, or maybe a month. Personal behavior modification will only go so far. God must do the sustaining and lasting work for the marathon of life.

What’s so fascinating and so praise-worthy is that the day-to-day trials and difficulties feel lighter and easier to manage when our hearts are full of thanksgiving. That doesn’t mean we stick our heads in the sand or deny the real difficulties that surround us. God never asks us to deny reality. But we can face reality in light of these promises:

Cast your cares on the Lord, for He cares for you (1 Peter 5:7).

Come to Me all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest (Matthew 11:28).

When we approach a new day with thanksgiving on our lips for the good things God has done, it changes the rhythm of life. Suddenly, we become more accommodating. We become more loving. More gentle. More patient. More kind. That’s because this is a heart issue and not simply a behavior issue.

Suddenly, those toilet accidents and those meltdowns go from “the straw that broke the camel’s back” to “eh, it’s no big deal”. A heart of thanksgiving leads to incredible changes in how we deal with the circumstances in front of us.

What I’m Thankful For

Autism is a difficult thing to contend with. It’s hard seeing Ellie struggle to communicate. It’s hard to see her become frustrated when we don’t understand her needs. It’s hard seeing her have difficulty making friends. It’s hard seeing Jack wrestle in his mind when the rhythm of his day is disrupted. It’s hard to try to explain something over and over to him again and him not seeing the connection.

But, there is so much to be thankful for.

I’m thankful that God breathed life back into Jack after Katie’s emergency C-section. He wasn’t breathing upon arrival and his Apgar was very poor. I’m thankful for the doctor who arrived quickly in the middle of the night and prayed for the safe delivery of my kids in the OR.

I’m thankful for the beautiful words and communication Ellie now has. A year or so ago, we weren’t sure if we’d ever hear the words “mom” or “dad”.

I’m thankful for Jack’s kind and gentle spirit. He has a deep desire to help and hates seeing others upset. The joy and happiness he displays wherever he goes are infectious.

I’m thankful that Ellie holds no judgment toward others. She demonstrates love and affection toward everyone she’s around selflessly and without expectations. It’s a beautiful thing to see.

I’m thankful for their younger sister, Lucy, who loves to attach herself to her older brother and sister. She’s going to have a big impact on their lives.

I’m thankful for my wife, Katie, who has been a steady presence through the chaotic times. She’s the definition of Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 to me: Two are better than one, for if either of them falls, one can help the other up. 

I’m thankful for the incredible teachers, therapists, and church volunteers who have poured themselves into the care and growth of my kids. A simple “thank you” will never be enough.

I’m thankful for the impact that Jack and Ellie have had in the lives of others around them. I’ll probably look back and realize that I learned more about God from them than they learned from me.

My Attempt at a Poem

Even as I write this today, I’ve struggled to maintain a heart of praise. Some days are just plain difficult! But God can still instill in us a heart of praise and thanksgiving even in times of difficulty or uncertainty. My hope and prayer are that we would all seek that vigorously day by day.

Day by day

Moment by moment

I feel the pull. I feel the chains.

God, please keep my grumbling heart at bay.

Yes, it’s hard. Yes, there’s pain.

But you promise to care for us every step of the way.

Turn my grumbling to joy and instill in me a heart of praise.

Oh God, I pray this day by day.

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