Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life.

Psalm 23:6

I love looking through old pictures and videos taken over the course of my life. Even as a young child, I would take home videos my parents created and watch them religiously (on VHS, of course). Now with our ever advancing technology, I have an endless number of photos and videos, most of which will probably be lost in “the cloud” never to be seen again.

But when I do have the time, I love scanning through the electronic folders overflowing with memories galore because it helps me picture my life in chapters. It helps me remember good times and hard times. It helps me remember the God who authors my story and whose goodness and mercy follows me all the days of my life.

Remembering is important, but forgetting is easier.

I wish I always remembered God’s goodness in my life, but I don’t. I wish I always remembered that all things work together for good to those who love Him, but I don’t. I wish I always remembered to be thankful and prayerful in all things, but I don’t. I wish I always remembered how God answers prayer, but I don’t. This is no insignificant thing; forgetting what God is like is one of the greatest tragedies of our Christian walk.

This is why we are told in Scripture to take care, lest we forget.

Take Care Lest You Forget

Forgetting is a frustrating reality of the human experience. From the most important things to the most mundane; we are prone to forget. Whether it’s forgetting your anniversary or forgetting to put the laundry in the dryer, there’s no limit to our ability to forget. Forgetting can lead to minor inconveniences in our lives or cause major problems.

But there is something far more serious and problematic we are prone to forget; that is the Lord our God.

As I read through the Old Testament, I’m struck by Israel’s inability to remember God’s goodness. Yet it seems so often their story is our own. These aren’t just ancient stories; they are pictures of our present reality.

Imagine being enslaved 400 years only to be miraculously delivered from your masters. Imagine walking across a sea on dry ground then witnessing the destruction of your enemy right before your eyes by that same sea. Imagine being led by a pillar of smoke and fire in the desert. Imagine being provided for daily with food from the sky when you were starving. Imagine being given victory over enemy strongholds with much fewer men. Imagine watching a shepherd boy slay a giant with a stone. Imagine being the chosen people of God blessed beyond measure with the law of God and set apart as a testimony to all other nations.

God knew the Israelites would forget Him once they received His blessings. This is precisely the context in which he warns them in Deuteronomy 6:12: “Take care lest you forget the Lord, who brought you out of the Land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery.” And again in Deuteronomy 8:11: “Take care lest you forget the Lord your God by not keeping his commandments and his rules and his statutes, which I command you today.”

We see the same issue in Psalm 106: “They did not consider your wondrous works; they did not remember the abundance of your steadfast love” (Verse 7). “They soon forgot his works; they did not wait for his counsel” (Verse 13). “They forgot God, their Savior, who had done great things in Egypt” (Verse 21).

Yet, in spite of all the blessings and the warnings, Israel forgot the Lord. They forgot what He was like continually.

Forgetting is a big deal to God.

What About Us?

Not us though, right? We would’ve been faithful! I’ve thought that when reading Israel’s history.

But now imagine being enslaved by sin only to be miraculously delivered through faith in Jesus Christ. Imagine possessing the Holy Spirit who daily guides you through all of life’s trials. Imagine having your physical needs met daily and abundantly. Imagine having the full armor of God at your disposal to take down enemy strongholds. Imagine being given the earth as an inheritance from generation to generation. Imagine being chosen by God before the foundation of the world to be called Friend, Child, and Bride of Christ. Imagine being set apart as a testimony of Christ to all nations.

Yet in spite of all these blessings, we forget the Lord. We forget what He is like continually.

We are not so different from the Israelites of old. Their story is our story. Forgetting the Lord has been in the DNA of His people throughout all time.

We forget the love He pursues us with. We forget about the trials He has carried us through. We forget about His mercies that are new every morning. We forget the immense blessings we’ve been given in Christ as a gift. We forget that He is sovereign over all things.

We begin to believe that God has forgotten us when it is us who have forgotten Him.

We must take care, lest we forget the Lord.

But You O Lord

I recently heard a podcast by Sinclaire Ferguson talking about the writer of Psalm 102 that was pure gold. It gave me great perspective on the dangers of forgetting God but also on the blessings of remembering Him. This Psalm provides all of us with a practical way to lift our spirits when the challenges in front of us seem so great.

Please take a few minutes to read this Psalm. In it you’ll find two radically different lenses the Psalmist puts on in light of his circumstance. Through verse 11, we find a man who has been hung out to dry. He’s defeated. He’s depressed. There is no evidence of joy or confidence in his words. He feels as though his days are “withering away like grass.” The name of God isn’t on his tongue.

Then in verse 12 something amazing happens! These 4 life-altering words are spoken by the Psalmist:

But you, O Lord

Sinclaire Ferguson describes the radical transition between verses 11 and 12 like this: “It’s as if the Psalmist has pressed the ignition switch. The engine of grace has been fired up. The spiritual memory file has unfrozen.”

In other words, the Psalmist turned his attention to the unchanging characteristics of God and away from his own distress.

Notice that this man’s situation did not change, but where he drew his gaze did. He did not deny the realities in front of him or wish them away. Instead, he remembered the Lord and what He is like and everything changed. It’s as though his troubles literally melted away in the light of God’s goodness.

We should remember these great words of transition, “But you O Lord.” They have the power to transform our disposition from sadness to gladness, from complaining to thanksgiving, and from doubt to faith.

When you feel the weight of uncertainty of your child’s future, say out loud: “But you O Lord have plans to prosper them and not to harm them, plans to give them hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11)

When you don’t know if you’ll be able to have the patience today for the meltdowns and the outbursts, say out loud: “But you O Lord are patient toward us, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.” (Psalm 103:8)

When you feel like even the most mundane things are hard, say out loud: “But you O Lord sympathize with our weaknesses.” (Hebrews 4:15)

When you’re exhausted, say out loud: “But you O Lord renew our strength.” (Isaiah 40:31)

When you feel sad about the way the world sees your child, say out loud: “But you O Lord bind the wounds of the brokenhearted.” (Psalm 147:3)

When you’re frustrated with your child’s struggle to communicate, say out loud: “But you O Lord understand them and know their words before they are spoken.” (Psalm 139:4)

When you’re having the most challenging day, say out loud: “But you O Lord are sovereign and work all things together for good.” (Romans 8:28)

When you’ve forgotten the blessings of God, say out loud: “But you O Lord remember your covenant forever.” (Psalm 105:7)

When you have sinned, confess and say out loud: “But you O Lord do not deal with us according to our sins nor repay us according to our iniquities.” (Psalm 103:10)

But you O Lord remember us.

Remembering Gods’ Goodness On The Autism Journey

How does this apply to our autism journey?

Anyone with a child with autism understands that the daily challenges are many. Not only many, but always changing. Each day brings the temptation to forget God’s goodness and focus instead on the challenges in front of us.

This journey is characterized by one step forward and two steps back. Each day brings a unique set of challenges. The temptation is to dwell on them, leading to frustration and disappointment. Sometimes all we can focus on in front of us is the next sea to cross, the next desert to wander through, or the next giant to fight.

It’s easy to forget what God has brought us through.

I remember well the days when Ellie was completely nonverbal. I remember praying over her at night asking God if He’d be willing to allow her to speak. I prayed desperately. I even bargained. I told Him that if He answered this one prayer, all would be okay and I wouldn’t need anything else.

God was kind to answer that prayer. But sadly the joy of answered prayer began to wane as new challenges arose. All I saw was the next giant in front of me and I forgot the goodness of God in answering that prayer. That’s just one of several examples.

It turns out I was dead wrong about something else too; I need God’s provision more as each day passes, not less, because the challenges aren’t going away this side of eternity.

But God has begun to help me see challenges as opportunities; opportunities to remember His goodness toward us. As each new challenge comes, it’s as if God says, “Are you going to trust me this time?” So I suppose, in the positive sense, God gives us an abundance of opportunities to remember Him on the autism journey.

To anyone else who shares in this journey full of challenges, say out loud, “but you O Lord give us an abundance of opportunities to remember you and to trust in you.”

As we set our gaze upon the Lord, let the engines of grace be fired up and our spiritual memory files unfrozen.

And let us all take care, lest we forget the Lord.

The post Remembering God’s Goodness appeared first on Autism4Christ.

1. Deuteronomy 31:8

And the Lord, He is the One who goes before you. He will be with you, He will not leave you nor forsake you; Do not fear or be dismayed.

Deuteronomy 31:8

Life’s path for an autism parent and their child can seem uncertain, uncharted, undefined, and uncomfortable. Life for any person is uncertain but in our society today there is at least a general expectation, or path, that runs through traditional schooling, graduation, college, landing a J-O-B, getting married, having kids, raising your family, retiring, and enjoying grandchildren. There is variation and deviation of course, but that is the general path most strive toward. However, for many on the autism spectrum, their path doesn’t run through these “milestones”.

I am so comforted that this passage talks about the Lord being the “One who goes before you”. That’s what He did for the Israelites as He led them out of Egypt and into the Promised Land. Our path isn’t uncertain to Him because He’s already charted the path ahead. He’s defined the way even as it meanders through hills, valleys, and thickets. God doesn’t just come alongside us on the journey, He’s already gone ahead of us, and because He’s gone ahead of us we can confidently forge ahead trusting that He is already there each step of the way.

2. Psalm 34:18

The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves such as have a contrite spirit.

Psalm 34:18

Being a special needs parent will break you from time to time. It will reveal your sin and failures faster than anything else. I often feel like I’ve failed more than succeeded. Feelings of remorse and guilt are not uncommon. I hate feeling weak but I suppose I’d rather be made to feel weak rather than keep up with my delusions of strength.

It’s amazing how often I sense God’s presence or nearness when I am broken. It’s in those moments when all I want to do is flee from his presence out of guilt and shame that He seeks me out to demonstrate His love for me once again. Amazing love, how can it be?

3. Isaiah 12:2-3

Behold, God is my salvation. I will trust and not be afraid; For YAH, the Lord, is my strength and song; He also has become my salvation. Therefore with joy you will draw water from the wells of salvation.

Isaiah 12:2-3

We saw from the Deuteronomy passage above that we can take comfort and not be afraid because the Lord goes before us. Here in Isaiah is another reason to not fear; because God is our salvation. Not only has he charted the path ahead, but He sustains us by His strength (not ours) along the way. And not only does He sustain us, He’s constantly saving us by drawing us back to Himself.

He bids us to come and draw joyfully from the deep well of salvation that never runs dry. It is at the well of Christ where the joy of salvation is restored and where we are upheld by his spirit (Psalm 51:12). Any other well will ultimately run dry because no other well has the power to save.

4. Isaiah 40:28-29

Have you not known? Have you not heard? The everlasting God, the Lord, The Creator of the ends of the earth, neither faints nor is weary. His understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the weak, and to those who have no might He increases strength.

Isaiah 40:28-19

The One who created the universe and wrote your story never grows tired. We can find renewed strength by resting in His. But how many times have you tried to rely on your own strength when the going gets tough? I like how Isaiah raises the questions rhetorically as if to say, “You should know this by now and I shouldn’t have to remind you again”. But like the Israelites of the Old Testament, I also need to be reminded again and again of the power and wisdom of God and that true strength is found in Him alone.

Furthermore, I can rarely make sense of what is going on around me. I don’t always understand how autism is being used as part of His plans and purposes. This verse reminds me that His understanding is beyond comprehension so I don’t have to worry about making sense of all life’s details.

5. Lamentations 3:22-23

Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness.

Lamentations 3:22-23

As an autism parent, this is one of the most encouraging passages in the whole Bible. If it were not for His mercies being made fresh for me daily, I would be consumed by the stress and inadequacies that I feel. His mercies have nothing to do with our ability to be faithful to Him but everything to do with his great faithfulness toward us. His mercies are a daily gift we could never earn.

Morning by morning new mercies I see. All I have needed thy hand hath provided. Great is thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me.

6. Matthew 11:28-29

Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and my burden is light.

Matthew 11:28-30

I recently finished a book titled, “Gentle and Lowly” by Dane Ortlund who unpacks this verse in great detail. It provided a window into the heart of Christ that I desperately needed to see for myself.

Here’s a couple statements from his book that really helped me reflect on the heart of Christ:

“You don’t need to unburden or collect yourself and then come to Jesus. Your very burden is what qualifies you to come”.

“With Christ, our sins and weaknesses are the very resume items that qualify us to approach Him. Nothing but coming to Him is required – first at conversion and a thousand times thereafter until we are with him upon death”.

“Yes, we fail Christ as his disciples. But his advocacy on our behalf rises higher than our sins. His advocacy speaks louder than our failures. All is taken care of”.

Dane Ortlund, Gentle and Lowly

I don’t need to carry the burdens of guilt and shame any longer. Christ took that yoke upon himself and nailed it to the cross. That work is finished and now I can rest in the fact that He goes before me and is with me every step of the way of this autism journey.

7. Romans 8:28

And we know that all things work together for good those who love God, to those are called according to His purpose.

Romans 8:28

I talked about how important this verse has been to my own autism journey in a previous post, Autism and God’s (Good) Plan. The Holy Spirit settled it deep in my heart that “all things” include the autism Katie and I wrestle with. That is our present reality, but we have much joy and hope. Yes, we groan for future redemption and the day when all will be revealed. Although that day has not yet come, we can live in the reality of this truth today, that all things work together for good. 

All things include autism. It includes illness. Losing a job. The passing of a loved one. That’s tough to process through. My brain has trouble comprehending it.

So much of what we experience in the present doesn’t seem good to us. It’s during those times that we must trust in God’s understanding and not our own (Proverbs 3:5). It doesn’t mean it’s pain-free. It doesn’t mean we can’t have questions. But, we can have hope now in the present!

8. Romans 11:36

For from Him, through Him, and to Him are all things, to Him be the glory forever. Amen.

Romans 11:36

If ever there was a “that says it all in a nutshell” verse, Romans 11:36 would be it. It’s the verse that motivated me to begin Autism4Christ and continues to be the verse pushing me to continue. I wanted to figure out a way to use the challenges of parenting children with autism to ultimately glorify Him. I fail to do that regularly, but I know God can take a crooked stick and use it for His purposes. Everything is from Him. Everything is upheld by Him. And everything is for His glory…..including special needs like autism.

Here is what I wrote from my previous post, “Autism and God’s (Good) Plan: Part 2”.

“If God is glorified more greatly through my kids’ autism, then I can press on in life with hope and joy that surpasses understanding.

If autism allows me to stand in greater wonder of His goodness, then I can consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing to the glory that will be revealed to us (Romans 8:18).

We are not the author nor the main character in this crazy story of life. Jesus Christ is. But by God’s grace, He wants to use the threads of our life, no matter how significant or insignificant they seem, to redeem the world”.

9. Romans 15:13

Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Romans 15:13

When God fills us with joy and peace, hope abounds. But notice that we cannot manufacture abounding hope by our own power. It comes from the power of the Holy Spirit.

I admit, I feel hopeless sometimes. I lose sight of what God is doing through us. I become frustrated, irritable, and resentful toward the challenges of autism. I forget the big picture.

Through the power of the Holy Spirit, God has relentlessly sought to bring me out of those “funks” time and time again. He reminds me of the joy I have in Him. He reminds me of the peace that comes by trusting that He already has it all figured out.

10. 1 Peter 5:6-7

Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.

1 Peter 5:6-7

Nothing has been more humbling than parenting kids with autism. It’s been one of God’s greatest tools of sanctification. It’s a sharp tool. As soon I think I have things under control, something happens to remind me nothing could be further from the truth.

The cares of my life are many. So many questions come in and out of my mind – What does the future hold for my kids? Will they be independent? Will they be taken advantage of? Will they be okay if something were to happen to Katie and I?

These are questions, or cares, that I must cast at the feet of Jesus realizing that His plans and purposes are greater than my own. We don’t need to be reluctant in doing so. This is an invitation to cast everything onto Him, and we can do so joyfully!

What an incredible comfort that is.

The post 10 Bible Verses Autism Parents Can Run To appeared first on Autism4Christ.

Back in February, we sat down with a journalist from the publication and shared a little of our story with her. She had reached out to us about doing a featured article for April’s edition of the magazine to help support Autism Awareness/Acceptance Month. Needless to say, we jumped at the opportunity!

We enjoyed getting to share about the process leading up to diagnosis, the joys and the challenges, and talk about God’s goodness through it all.

You can use the article’s reader tool by clicking the link below or read right here from the page.

Read The Article Here

The post We Got To Be In A Magazine! appeared first on Autism4Christ.

April 2nd was World Autism Awareness & Acceptance Day, and to celebrate, our family joined others in our local community for an Inaugural Autism Awareness Walk & Picnic.

It was a blast!

Our local community has a very large polo field which was the perfect setting for the event. Friends of ours from church, Bryn and Lindsey Blaise, spearheaded the event and recently established the Tri-County Autism Community as a non-profit organization for the area. This is REALLY exciting and a HUGE step forward for our area which has lacked organized autism awareness events until now.

I’m excited to see how God uses the event to connect families in the area who are navigating the joys and challenges that autism brings.

The event began with the choice of a 1-mile or 5K walk around the polo field. My kids decided to walk about a 0.5K so they could head back to the field to jump on the giant inflatable playgrounds (no shock there!). Where were these giant inflatable things when I was a kid? Little soccer nets, Cornhole, Croquet, and a giant sized beach ball were available for entertainment as well. Tons of pizza, snacks, and what I can only describe as the best mini cakes I’ve ever had, were provide for lunch. Connecting over great food is always great fun!

Over 100 people attended the inaugural event making it a HUGE success.

And it wasn’t just families with kids with autism who attended. Many people in the community from local churches, schools, and businesses also came out to the walk to support friends and relatives.

It was an exciting day, and I am encouraged about what God is doing in our community!

Here are some photos from the event! Photos with (**) taken by Jeff Roach Photography.

The post Autism Awareness Walk a HUGE Success appeared first on Autism4Christ.

In honor of April being Autism Awareness Month, I thought this would be an ideal time to share that I have started a YouTube Channel under the name “Autism4Christ”! Click Here For My Channel.

I’ll admit, this is a bit out of my comfort zone and there will be a lot of growing pains….so please forgive the mishaps and awkward moments while I stumble through it.

I love to write for this blog. That is my comfort zone. So why also launch a YouTube Channel?

Well, it’s no secret that video content has become preferable for many people. But to be more specific, YouTube really draws in young men in their 20s-40s, so my hope is that God will lead young fathers (and mothers) who are navigating the trials of autism to the channel. I don’t anticipate millions of “likes” or subscribers, but if God can use it to reach some people who need it, then its worth it. I know I have personally found great Christian mentors on YouTube that I would never have found otherwise.

I also find video creation to be a lot of fun albeit a lot of work! Maybe its just an itch I’d like to scratch, but it seems God put the bug there.

Here is the first video I put together for the channel mainly as an introduction. Please also click here to got to my channel and subscribe!

Go easy on me, Haha!

The post The Autism4Christ YouTube Channel Just Launched! appeared first on Autism4Christ.

If you or friends or family live in the area, please come join us on Saturday, April 2nd at The Villages Polo Club. Details about the event are in the screen shot below.

You can register by clicking HERE!

The post Autism Awareness Walk and Picnic appeared first on Autism4Christ.

Sometimes I can’t help but sense God’s own pleasure when I look at my kids with great delight. Sometimes I feel a deep sense of gratitude for them just the way they are, autism and all. Sometimes I can’t help but worship Him for their unique complexities.

I love the way Ellie clenches her fists so tightly and pulls them up to her cheeks to self-regulate. I love the way Jack rehearses the routines for the day ahead and wants to hear the play-by-play on my end (in the correct order) when I pick him up from school. I love the way Lucy ends her prayers with “the end” instead of “amen”.

I love being a father. I’m blessed beyond measure because of it. There are moments when I I get it right.

And then there are moments that go a little something like this:

“I’M SO…… MAAAAAAD!!” Ellie shouted while running from room to room slamming doors. I followed her into the bedroom and in my calmest voice said, “Sorry honey, iPad time is all done.” Not satisfied with my response, she continued to run from one side of the house to the other slamming bedroom doors all while covering her ears and scripting from an episode of Daniel Tiger as she went. 

Any parent of a child with autism will tell you that managing outbursts and meltdowns is exhausting. It requires you to be fully present, patient, and calm to deal with it successfully. Fighting back your own irritation is half the battle.

As I continued to try to (calmly and patiently) diffuse the situation by helping Ellie go from The Hulk to Bruce Banner, Jack and Lucy decided it was the perfect moment to approach me with their own requests. “Daddy, popsicle please” said Jack. “Dad, come play with me” adds Lucy.

“Um, not right now guys, daddy is trying to help Ellie calm down.”

But what Lucy heard was, “Of course, sweetie. I’d love to play with you at this moment”, and Jack heard, “Yes, my son, whatever you want, I’m at your service.”

The outburst and door slamming continued. I followed Ellie to the other side of the house and we started doing some deep breathing and sensory compression to calm down. The other two came after me again…AGAIN!

“Dadeeeee”, says Lucy, “come plaaaay with mee”. “I just need one more treat,” adds Jack.

Now I’m annoyed. I can feel the stress and the tension coursing through my body. “No! Not yet. You have to wait!,” I responded. “Can’t you see Ellie is really struggling right now”? 

My sweet and not so innocent son and daughter could not sense the irritation in my response. Sooo they decided to test the waters again. Are they nuts?

Lucy, now also annoyed, yells, “Dadeee I neeed you”! Jack was present too, so he was guilty by association.

At this point, I had resolved to unleash my wrath and take a page from Ellie’s book and Hulk out on all my kids. “Lucy, I don’t want to play with you right now!! Out Out! Jack, you’ve already had like three popsicles! You don’t need another one! Get out!! Ellie, STOP SCREAMING!”, I say in my hypocritically loud tone.

Now I’m sure this type of exchange hits home with any parent. Our kids tend to conspire to gang up on us at the worst times. Nevertheless, I had failed my kids.

So yeah, there are those moments. I get it right sometimes, but boy do I get it wrong sometimes too.

A Means To An End

What I have found to be so incredible is that God graciously meets me more in my failures as a father than in any other relationship. That makes perfect sense, though. After all, God is our Heavenly Father, and because He is a father, perhaps he instituted parenthood as the biggest signpost to point us back to His loving arms.

His love never fails like ours, so when we face plant hard, we can find mercy and grace beyond comprehension. Not only does He cover our parent-fails, He gladly makes us wiser through them.

How we understand God as Father is vital to our Christian walk. Not that my understanding is deep; it’s really quite shallow. But God has been kind enough to deepen my understanding of Him through my role as an earthly father. How does He do this? I believe He does this not only explicitly through His Word but also implicitly by the nature in which we treat our kids.

We know explicitly from Scripture that God loves us. He’s told us and He’s demonstrated that love ultimately in Christ (Romans 5:8). Amen. But God also demonstrates His love for us through the relationships He gives us here right now. Being a father, or mother, is not an end in itself, but a means to an end…that end being to glorify God.

I admit, I don’t always see God the Father the way I ought. I tend to see my relationship with my kids as an end to itself. It becomes all about me and I begin to think I can do a better job as a father than Him.

(pause here for your laughter).

But I think we can all admit that we’ve been tempted to believe this lie; that our relationships are self-contained and we know better than God. As parents, we so frequently miss the greatest signpost that points back to Him. We all tend to wonder things about God that couldn’t be further from the truth. Here’s what I am getting at:

We delight in our kids but wonder if God delights in us.

We forgive our kids but wonder if God could forgive us.

We discipline our kids but think God won’t discipline or correct us.

We direct and lead our kids but wonder if God has left us to ourselves.

We give our kids affection but wonder if God is cold and closed off toward us.

We teach and instruct our kids but wonder if God has spoken clearly in His Word to us.

We invite our kids to come near so we can embrace them but wonder if we can approach God in the same way.

We go to bat for our kids but we wonder if God is on the sidelines.

We give our kids 2nd and 3rd chances but wonder if God has washed His hands of us.

We meet the needs of our kids but wonder if we can trust God to take care of us.

We continue to give grace to our kids but wonder if God’s grace has dried up.

We stop at nothing to protect our kids but wonder if God will protect us.

Parents are hardwired to do these things. Nobody really has to tell us that we ought to act in these ways toward our kids. From the moment of their birth, our deepest affections have been set toward them.

So how is it that we can so easily doubt the love of our Heavenly Father when we would never doubt the love we have for our own kids?

Seeing the (Perfect) Father

Here is the challenge to myself and to you reading this: The next time you begin to doubt God’s love for you or the next time you are tempted to think He’s far off or has abandoned you, try this: Go hug your kids. Go wrestle with them. Go to the park with them. Go out for ice cream. Go do whatever brings you and them joy together. And as deep levels of affection, happiness, and pleasure well up inside of you during those moments, remember that those feelings are but a shadow of the love and affection your Heavenly Father has for you. Remember this truth from Scripture…We love because He first loved us (1 John 4:19). Remember that His love is the precondition for the parental love we have for our kids.

You cannot love better than Him. You cannot give grace better than Him. You cannot forgive better than Him. You cannot protect better than Him.

But I think that’s the point. We can’t do parenthood perfectly, or even well enough at times, so we must run to our Heavenly Father who is perfect. Both our failures and our successes as parents should drive us to Him. And we can do so happily and without shame.

The First Time I got it Right

One thing about Facebook that I do appreciate is that I am able to go back years and see things I’ve posted (for better or worse). Here is what I wrote a couple days after Jack and Ellie were born:

When I look at my son and daughter, I am utterly amazed and completely humbled by God’s insane love for us. God’s word says that we are made in His image, that He is our Father, and that we are His children known intimately before the foundation of the world. I am in awestruck wonder that this incredible love that I feel pales in comparison to the infinite love that God our Father has for us.

April 17, 2016

On that day, I got it right. It was the first time I saw my imperfect fatherly love in light of the Heavenly Father’s perfect love. And it was beautiful.

The post A Father’s (Imperfect) Love appeared first on Autism4Christ.

One of my aims for this blog is to provide encouragement from God’s Word that demonstrates great purpose behind difficult circumstances. But I can only offer that which I need myself. I’ve needed God’s Word over and over again to encourage me when the difficulties of autism begin to discourage me. I wish I could say that I live in a constant state of encouragement, but the truth is, discouragement likes to rear its ugly head again and again. Thankfully, God’s Word is an ocean of encouragement.

What I love about Christ’s earthly ministry is that He aims to demonstrate spiritual truths through the lowliest people in society. The hopeless and the discouraged. He came to seek and to save the lost (Luke 19:10). I am captivated particularly with the story in John 9 where Jesus heals a blind man from birth.

Jesus explains in John 8 that he is the light of the world saying, “He who follows Me shall not walk in darkness, but have the light of life (John 8:12).” Following this proclamation, we see the spiritual darkness exhibited by the Pharisees who attempt to stone Jesus at His claim to be God.

That’s a bit of context leading into John 9.

After escaping death and leaving the temple, John 9 begins by saying, “As Jesus passed by, He saw a man who was blind from birth. And His disciples asked him, saying, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind (John 9:1-2)?”

It’s worth noting that there isn’t any indication of a large time gap between Jesus’s escape and seeing the blind man. It could have occurred on the same day or even the same hour. The point is, there is clear continuity between chapters 8 and 9. Jesus is the Light of the World. And what better way to immediately demonstrate that spiritual reality than healing a person born into physical darkness?

Here we get to see the beauty and the glory of God’s plans and purposes at work in a person born with a disability.

A Well of Encouragement

Jesus saw him. A young blind man begging in the streets. That was his life. Born with a disability, he was destined for a beggar’s life. A life as a social outcast. A life with seemingly little purpose or meaning. A life of darkness. I imagine thousands passed by this man in the street without any attention paid to him. But Jesus saw him for a purpose.

Imagine, to never see but to be seen by the Savior of the world. The Light of the World.

I have to think that when Jesus saw the man that he looked at him long enough for His disciples to begin wondering why. In their minds, this was a pitiful man who must have sinned horribly to warrant his condition. Or, his parents had. Why else would this man be born blind? And why was their Rabbi taking note of him? A sinful blind man. Aren’t there more useful people out there who can be used for kingdom work?

How true is it that we, like the disciples, forget the grace that brought us out of our own darkness.

Interestingly, the disciples did not ask “if” he or the parents had sinned, but “who” sinned. It was assumed that sin was the cause of the man’s blindness and no other explanation was possible. Jesus crushed those assumptions and showed His disciples in a powerful way that His ways are not their ways.

Jesus replied to them, “Neither this man or his parents sinned, but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him (John 9:3).”

This verse is a deep well of encouragement for special needs parents. We should draw from it whenever we feel discouraged.

Why?

Because I imagine every parent of a child with autism has wondered, at one time or another, what they did to cause an autism diagnosis. Am I being punished for a sin I committed? Did I make a wrong choice along the way? What could I have done differently? It’s not supposed to be this way.

We are all indeed sinners, but do not assume that sins or past mistakes are the cause of your child’s autism or other disability. That is clear from this encounter. God is sovereign and He had a plan for your child before the world was ever created.  Even if you had made a decision that in some way contributed to your child’s autism or other disability, is God not gracious? Can God not take a difficult situation and redeem it for His purposes? I think so!

Like the disciples, we all tend to ask God the wrong questions. Perhaps, instead of questions of self-condemnation, we can ask God how he can use disability to advance His kingdom, how He can sanctify us in the family He gave us, or how we can help others in a similar situation.

If we make these our aim, we may discover that the disability confronting us each day is one of God’s greatest measures of grace in our lives.

A Light of Grace in My Life

God has patiently been working in me through the lives of my kids. Katie and I have to help Ellie with many of the mundane things most 5-year-olds can do independently. It’s exhausting at times. I still lose patience and fail constantly (more about that in my post “Learning Patience is Rough!).”

But because of Ellie, I have a greater sense of my complete and utter dependence on God. I need Him more than she needs me. He has used the difficulties of autism to draw me back to His Word over and over again to discover what it’s like to lie down in green pastures and have my soul restored, as David wrote (Psalm 23). I’ve also learned to slow down and delight in the little things that can be easily overlooked – a new word or phrase spoken, a genuine interaction with a sibling, or her ability to know and sing “Jesus Loves Me.”

It’s true, there are many experiences that we may miss out on, but the positives in the experiences we do have are magnified.

And when Jesus talks about child-like faith and the kingdom of God belonging to such (Matthew 18:3), Jack is my clear picture of that truth. We as adults like to think we’ve reached a maturity in our faith that our children should emulate. While I may be able to comprehend theological concepts better than Jack and I hope he learns from me, I sometimes lose the child-like wonder God desires in His children. Jack humbles me in that area.

I still continue to ask the wrong questions, but God is at work. His purposes are beyond our comprehension.

Why Autism, Lord?

Back to the blind man in the story real quick. Jesus indeed healed him of his physical blindness. But even more important than that, He healed him from spiritual darkness and made him spiritually alive. As a result, the man believed in Jesus (John 9:38).

In contrast, the Pharisees believed they were enlightened because they followed the Mosaic law, yet they were spiritually blind. Jesus used this man to demonstrate that He came to this earth so the blind would see and those who see would become blind (v. 39).

If only he knew how big an impact his story would have on the rest of humanity.

A blind man from birth. A man hopeless, discouraged, and in darkness was used as a magnificent tool of God’s grace to help point others to the Light of the World, Jesus Christ.

When I ask, “Why autism, Lord?” He answers, “So that the works of God might be displayed in her/him.” The lowliest become the greatest object of God’s affection, not because of anything they have done, but because of His goodness. The foolish things of the world are used to shame the wise (1 Corinthians 1:27).

It grips my heart to think about what life would have been like for Ellie in Jesus’s time. She would have been passed by, given an odd look, and left to fend for herself. But Jesus never just passes by. He sees your child and He sees you. He may or may not physically heal your child as He did the blind man, but he may just use your trials to humble you, wreck your self-sufficiency, and heal you of your pride.

All of which are an ongoing work of His grace. A light of grace in the darkness.

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It’s that wonderful time of year again! The sights, the smells, the music, the movie “Elf”…it’s all back! What a joyous time of year. A time of gatherings, a time to relax (maybe), a time to celebrate, a time to look forward, and a time to remember. It truly is, as Andy Williams sang, “The most wonderful time of the year.”

If you’re a parent of a child with autism, there’s probably other things on your mind too because this season can be overwhelming. Breaks in routines. Hustle and bustle. Large gatherings. Toys everywhere. It can be sensory overload even for us as parents. It’s important to find little ways to adjust so you can enjoy this time of year with your child without becoming too overwhelmed. That looks different for every family.

One thing we recognized early on, for example, was the importance of spacing out presents rather than giving them all at once. It helps our kids enjoy what’s in front of them rather than focusing on many items at once. And I guarantee that our daily household routines will still remain much the same even on Christmas Day. Overdoing it or changing too many things never works in our favor (which we’ve learned the hard way with Ellie in the past).

Jack is really diving into the holiday cheer this year. Each morning he’s enjoyed building tiny Legos from his advent calendar. He’s Mr. Countdown to Christmas. It’s fun for us to share in his excitement!

Ellie has been her steady self. I think she recognizes there is something different and special about the Christmas season, but she carries on as if it’s no big deal. Although she doesn’t show the same enthusiasm as Jack, it’s refreshing that she doesn’t get worked up over it all.

Lucy is, well, 3-years old. We never know what we are going to get with that one. She enjoys following Jack around, and if he’s excited about something, we know she will be too.

Speaking of Jack, I recently received feedback from a lady who has been helping with our kids in the children’s ministry. She said to me, “Jack really loves Jesus!”

What an amazing gift that was.

That was also encouraging because this year I’m having more conversations with Jack about Christmas and why we celebrate it. I try to keep it simple and avoid theologically-packed words such as “incarnation”…but maybe next year. Since Jack’s apparent love language is gifts (as it probably is for most 5-year-olds), I talk to him about how Jesus is the greatest gift we can receive…better than Duplo Legos and Paw Patrol. Next year I can have a debate with him about the number of wise men that came to see Jesus. Jack has learned that Jesus came to rescue us and He saves us from our sin. We will stick with that and call it a big win!

Below is a recent Q&A I had with Jack in the car about Christmas. Enjoy!

A Tree to Remember

This year I’ve been pondering the tradition of putting up Christmas trees in our home. Why do we do it? Why do we rearrange the furniture to make room for these 7, 8, 9-foot structures? Is it simply just a feel-good tradition? They do indeed make us feel good inside. I recently caught myself staring at one of our trees and just enjoying the beauty of it (We’ve graduated from one tree to two trees to now three trees!). The classic song came to my mind while I gazed:

O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree, You Stand in Splendid Beauty!

Something about the ambience of a Christmas tree changes the feel of an entire home. Good feelings. Warm feelings. Nothing puts people in the mood for the Christmas season more than a Christmas tree, unless you enjoy watching Hallmark movies before Thanksgiving (ahem, my wife). Her favorite Hallmark movie is the one where the guy and girl actually end up together in the end.

Christmas Trees bring wonderful traditions! Some of you run out to tree farms to cut down your own tree. Some of you grab it out of the attic year after year. My family wasn’t the tree hunting-type, but it’s okay, I am not biased either way…even though I know some of you stick your nose up to people who prefer artificial trees (admit it!). But before you judge me, just know that my tree growing up not only played music, but it also spun slowly in a circle. I thought it was the coolest tree in the world. Real trees can’t do that!

Putting the Christmas Tree up as a kid was a big deal. The excitement of it was second only to waking up Christmas morning. I had to be part of setting it up by putting every single ornament on the tree that could fit. Literally, EVERY ornament until EVERY square inch of the tree was covered. Then, as gifts began to pile under the tree, I would lay on the floor next to the tree enjoying it’s spinning mechanism and dream of Christmas morning.

O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree, You Stand in Splendid Beauty!

I imagine the traditions surrounding your family’s Christmas tree are also personal. As I just mentioned, some love artificial trees while some love real trees. Some fancy flocked trees while some prefer unflocked (I’m surprised that’s a real word). Some prefer white lights on their tree while others prefer multi-colored lights. Some trees even give you up to 8 (yes, 8!) lighting options like one of ours. Some people like to put popcorn on their tree while others do the tinsel thing. Some adorn their tree with beautifully color-coordinated ornaments while some place paint-splattered ornaments their kids made in Kindergarten. Some fasten a star at the top of their tree while others may place an angel or a bow. I have friends who have a tradition of setting a clapping monkey on top of their tree and I have the evidence in the picture below!

Yes, Christmas trees are indeed personal…but that’s what makes them so special to us.

O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree, You Stand in Splendid Beauty!

A Tale of Two Trees

Let me challenge you this year to consider two other trees that ought to be immensely personal to us. Two trees to remember when you consider the splendid beauty of your own tree(s).

A tree of knowledge that led to death

A tree of death that led to life.

It began with a tree in the Garden of Eden. There was no death, no pain, and no suffering there – just beautiful communion between God and Adam and Eve. In the garden, there was the tree of knowledge of good and evil. Most of us know the story well by now. God warned Adam and Eve, “Ye shall surely die” if you eat of its fruit (Genesis 2:17). Yet, being tempted by the serpent, they disobeyed God and ate, resulting in the curse of death over mankind. 

I’ve struggled with the idea of God placing this tree in the garden with its boundaries. Why go through with it? But as I’ve pondered it more, I began to think about its representation of God’s law and the impossibility of man keeping it. God’s law is perfect and good. Man-made law doesn’t even come close. Like this tree, God’s law brings condemnation to the hearts of man in order to reveal to us our need for a Savior.

That’s it’s ultimate purpose – to point us to salvation.

The first Adam had failed, but God had a plan! The tree of knowledge of good and evil was the first signpost leading to another tree…a tree of death that would give us life. The cross.

When I consider the cross, I immediately think about the mercy of God, the grace of God, and the love of God demonstrated in Christ. As we should every day! But you can’t clearly see the mercy, grace, and love of the cross unless they are placed on the backdrop of God’s justice and holiness.

At the cross, law and grace kissed. Justice and mercy embraced. All of God’s attributes were on full display.

Christ came to earth at His appointed time and we celebrate and rejoice! We rejoice at Jesus’ birth because we were given a way to peace with God leading to unending joy.

But when you see your Christmas tree in splendid glory, remember that first tree in the garden; how it led to death but paved a road to redemption. A road leading to the cross. Jesus Christ was despised, rejected, afflicted, oppressed, stricken, and smitten by God so that we could be loved, accepted, and uplifted (Isaiah 53:1-7).

Paul Tripp puts it this way:

Jesus was willing to be despised. He was willing to face rejection. He was willing to subject himself to hatred and violence. He was even willing to have the Father turn His back on him. Why was he willing to do all this> He did it willingly so that, as children, you and I would be able to live in the hope and peace of knowing that no matter what we face in the human community, we are perfectly and eternally loved by him. He endured rejection so that we would know God’s accepting love forever and ever and ever. How amazing is this grace!

Paul Tripp, New Morning Mercies

When you celebrate around your Christmas tree this season, remember that you have that privilege because of another tree. A tree not adorned with ornaments, lights, or popcorn – but one adorned with the life-giving blood of Christ.

Oh Rugged Cross, Oh Rugged Cross, You Stand in Splendid Beauty!

I pray this Christmas season that you will be blessed as you enjoy friends and family, light candles and sing songs, maybe eat cinnamon rolls (Jack’s favorite), give gifts to each other, watch “The Christmas Story”, and celebrate the birth of Christ.

It’s the most wonderful time of the year.

The post A Tree To Remember appeared first on Autism4Christ.

When we began realizing that an autism diagnosis was our reality, the 5 stages of grief also became a reality. Denial – This isn’t really happening is it? Everything will be fine, right? Anger – This isn’t fair! I didn’t sign up for this! Bargaining – What if we had done that differently? If only I had done this. Depression – Feeling hopeless and discouraged. Acceptance – This is our reality and we will seek to glorify God in it. None of these stages are linear. I have periods when I experience a peace that passes understanding. I have others when I feel I’m in a pit of despair.

Autism is a journey.

But it’s a journey more akin to a long road trip rather than a direct flight – where you stop to appreciate the beauty of a monument or landscape but you also run into breakdowns, road rage, and constant refuelings (along with car sickness and child meltdowns). Can you tell I enjoy car rides?

On this journey, I’ve walked and talked with God on the highest hills and in some of the deepest valleys. One thing holds true; His love never fails. He’s the beautiful monument and breathtaking landscape that makes the journey worth it.

I…Love…You

“Ellie. Ellie. I…Love…You.”

…

“Let’s try it again. I…Love…You.”

…

“I…Love…You. Goodnight sweetie.”

Over the course of Ellie’s first 4+ years, she was nonverbal. Like a broken record, we practiced non-stop verbal repetition at all times. We tried prompting her to speak by repeating words like “up”, “down”, “yes”, “no”, “all done”, “more”, etc., while always pointing to our mouths with intense tone inflection. We also integrated basic sign language and used a video speech program that focused on the formation of the mouth when making sounds. We were always hopeful that she would one day speak, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t mentally preparing for the possibility of my daughter never speaking. What a mental and spiritual battle that was.

Speech is always taken for granted. It’s assumed and expected. When it doesn’t happen, it’s crushing. Every parent desires to understand their child’s wants and needs. Not being able to discern what that is and only getting cries of frustration is very disheartening. It’s a helpless feeling.

Even though we couldn’t tell whether or not our words were sinking in, we desperately wanted Ellie to hear over and over that she was loved. I would repeat “I love you” over and over before kissing her goodnight. I would kneel beside her and pray desperately asking God if He’d be willing to bring forth speech in her. The hardest part was praying “Your will be done.”

Relinquishing Control

Praying through “Your will be done” is so difficult primarily because it’s a relinquishing of control and placing it in God’s hands. It’s the admission of, “Okay God, here I am. I’m ready to submit to You no matter what you have in store for me.” We are all control freaks at heart (admit it) and need His rescue. Sure, God’s will can be done in certain areas of our life with little complaint, but when it comes to our kids, that may be the toughest control to relinquish. We somehow think they are off-limits, even to God, and we know better than Him. But God says, “No, they are mine too.”

We should try to love our kids with open hands. Otherwise, God will have to pry them open. His plans and His purposes are always greater than our own, although it may be confusing at times. We aren’t called to understand. Lean not on that (Proverbs 3:5). But we are called to trust in faith that He operates for our good and for His glory.

Sometimes, God answers our prayers and gives us the desires of our hearts. Sometimes, He doesn’t for reasons we don’t always understand. But, there is a peace God brings to our hearts when we submit our wants and desires to His will.

There are things in this life we desire for Ellie that will probably never come to fruition. Contending with that is a challenge and will continue to be, but God has been so good to us and has answered many of our prayers. The greatest answered prayer has been with her progress with communication.

Praise for Progress!

About a year ago, something really incredible started to happen. Ellie was starting to make connections with our communication toward her. The repetition of “I love you” had become a prompt for a kiss in her mind, so she began leaning her head forward toward my face for a kiss after we said, “I love you”. She was making a connection between the two. That was a pretty special moment and we knew she was on the right track.

Soon after, she began mimicking and forming the word “you” with her mouth as we said it to her. The words were clearly in her mind and she was working on the facial structure to push the words out.

Then the verbal attempts began! It was very jumbled at first, but she was trying hard. “I love you” started coming out as “Ah. vvv. Ooo.” She would hold her hand up to her mouth as she spoke to feel the breath coming out of her mouth. She also started leaning forward extra emphatically for a goodnight kiss.

I’m excited to share that Ellie can now voice the words “I love you” clearly! I can’t ever take that for granted. I must not. God answered our prayers in that way, and all the glory goes to Him. It’s a demonstration of His immeasurable kindness toward us. We aren’t owed a thing. There’s still so much work to be done and progress to be made, but this will always be a pivotal part of our journey. Like a stop at the Grand Canyon or Niagara Falls on the road trip. The type of stop that reminds you that the journey is worth it.

Because He First Loved Us

I mentioned earlier that God’s love never fails. Sometimes that love is demonstrated in ways we don’t expect. Through the journey with our kids and autism, God has revealed the fickleness of my own heart and my propensity to doubt His love for me. He’s revealing dark corners in my heart that need to be brought to light. He’s wrecking my self-sufficiency and pushing me more toward total dependence on Him. That’s the sort of love I need.

Some days are so hard, but I never doubt the immense love I have for Ellie, Jack, or Lucy even on their (and my) worst days. So how is it that we can so easily doubt God’s love for us when we would never doubt our own love for our kids? Are we better demonstrators of love than God? The absurdity of the thought. We only love because He first loved us and He loves us more deeply than we can imagine.

In love, God uses the trials of parenthood to draw you to Himself. It’s one of His sharpest tools of sanctification. It works to amputate our arrogance, sever our selfishness, and pierce our pride. All the while we are being carved and molded to be more like Him.

So whenever you are in doubt of God’s love for you, remember the love that you have for your kids and ask yourself if that love is greater than His. It helps to reorient ourselves and turn us away from doubt.

If nothing else, remember the cross. Remember that He did not spare his own son. Remember that condescension. Remember that great exchange for those who believe; that not only were your sins paid for but that Christ’s righteousness has been lavished upon you. That’s His way of saying,

I…Love…You.

And there is nothing in this life that’s greater than that love (John 15:13).

A HUGE Thank You!

With Thanksgiving quickly approaching, I wanted to say how thankful we are for the incredible people God has placed in Ellie’s life who have prayed for her and who have worked closely with her. We’ve worked so hard at helping her communicate, but so much credit goes to her incredible teachers and therapists who God placed in her life. When she began more intensive ABA therapy at age 4, her first therapist was confident she’d be verbalizing her wants and needs in the near future. “Oh yeah,” she’d say, “She’s going to get there, you just wait and see!” I was hopeful, but not as confident as she. That was really encouraging for us to hear.

Please continue to pray for us as we navigate through recurring challenges and new challenges. Pray for others who may be discouraged on their journey navigating the challenges with autism or parenting in general. Pray that God would demonstrate His kindness and restore peace to the souls that need it most. Only He can fill us and satisfy our deepest longings.

Sweet Ellie (Video)

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